How Do You Say “I Care And You’re Wrong”?

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You know the words you say when talking about dealing with people who disagree with you?  That you can still have a relationship with those people who post racist, bigoted, intolerant statuses, because you want to be open and facilitate and participate in constructive conversations?  You know what I’m talking about.

Well, today I found out that a man I’ve known most of my life, who is well known in a small, rural, Virginia community, posted something blatantly racist on a live broadcast of former President Obama speaking while in Africa (at the 2018 Nelson Mandela Annual Lecture, no less).  The way I found out was that a black friend of mine posted a screenshot of it in an (understandable) outrage.  In my shock I did the only thing I could think of: I apologized to her for his words.

I looked up the individual’s Facebook page and saw that he’d posted a live apology for his statement.  He blamed it on his political stance, reiterating repeatedly that he was in no way, shape, or form racist, and that he has many friends who are people of color and of different nationalities—because we all know that means you aren’t racist, after you’ve said something very racist.

Here’s the question that this situation provoked: how should I plan to interact with this man in the future?  And even more than that, how should I plan to interact with people I care about more deeply who say or do something racist?

Closing myself off is not an option, because if I do that there is no chance for meaningful conversations and possible change.  If I let it slide and remain close, then I am choosing silence and allowing myself to become part of something I abhor.  Addressing it every.single.time runs the risk of the argument being tuned out, and thus “casting my pearls before swine.”

Typically, I try to point out when things are inappropriate—whether about race or anything else.  Usually, I’m ignored or laughed at (one time I was temporarily blocked…by a family member…and then left unfriended because the person never communicated they didn’t want me to keep commenting).  Sometimes there is a lot of feedback, and on the rare occasion, it’s actually a constructive conversation.  The BEST interactions, though, are the ones that occur over time and in person—like in the office.  Those people who get to see you juggle a million things, struggle with crappy bosses and absurd deadlines and workloads…they pause to consider what you say during that much needed coffee break.  And a year later?  You find out some of your soap-box-speeches made an impact.

So yes, in person is ALWAYS better.  And that’s what I’m really getting at—how do you choose to interact with people who not only disagree with you but who are morally wrong in their belief?  And deny it?  So far, the conversation is working with people with whom I have a relationship, but the people who are only acquaintances?  It brings out a whole different reaction.

I could always write a letter…to the editor.  (I really like writing letters when I don’t like something.  I’ve written to Miss America Organization, NBC, authors who didn’t answer the questions they created in their book, op-eds, letters to the editor…if nothing else, it feels good to get it out!)

What are your thoughts on these issues?

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Tea With a Side of Truth, Please

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A few years ago I was inspired to name a blog “The Teapot Journalist.”  Since then, it’s taken different twists and turns as I continue to seek out what exactly the name means to me…the teapot journalist.

On the surface level, I enjoy writing and sipping tea—who doesn’t?  I am passionate about writing and sharing information and ideas, but my passions don’t stop there.  I find myself wanting to write about a great many things that don’t necessarily correlate with each other.  What connects them is the multi-faceted realm of life.

I desire to be transparent and vulnerable in appropriate areas.  In a way, I want to work through questions that I, and others, are facing.  Nothing is straight forward, but for people (like me) with a tendency for the black-and-white thinking approach, going into the colorful waters of “in between” can feel very overwhelming—like a brain overload.  I’m learning where I fit and that I am an evolving person with changing ideas.

These evolutions we (I) face are not free from conflict.  It’s a battle between many forces, including the perspectives I was taught to believe while growing up, the ideas I encountered during those wonderful college years, and the uncomfortable unearthing of new information…forever altering how I view our world.  (Forever altering, if I allow new information in, that is.). The problem is when I am too afraid, or not yet fully prepared, to move forward with such a shift.

That fear is what I don’t like.  I don’t enjoy being afraid; I like being certain.  However, there isn’t much of which we can be certain.  When people question what is generally accepted, they’re labeled as conspiracy theorists.  *Side note: there are a lot of conspiracies floating around…how does one choose which one(s) to investigate?*  What if, instead of being labeled as conspiracy theorists, we called them “truth seekers”?  Looking for the truth, not the smoke and mirrors that become more prevalent as people become more professional and powerful, is an admirable trait that I wish more people would develop.

I wish I could pursue it more fully without all the internal conflict, but I suppose it’s like a rite of passage into deeper realms of thought and understanding.